Chinese New Year Reflection 2011

i sit here in front of my mac book pro, thinking on the first day of chinese new year, the year of the rabbit, and the year i am to turn 21.

i sit here, and think, about my life, and how i always try to run away from drama that will only lead to bigger dramas. i love my friends, i love my family, and i guess all my life i also loved a fairytale prince and searched for him so much that it hurt me and other people more than make things better.

all i can say is, everything that could go wrong for me happened last semester, i wasn't doing well in my studies, my relationship with my parents and a very good friend whom i loved went south and down the drain. my relationship with someone else who is blood related to me got so bad that i started calling that person the evil one; until i realise that in the end, all the fights, and all the quarrel were worthless because we still love each other so much.

i shouldn't be scared of facing the truth, i thought i learnt it all, everytime i fall i pick myself up. truth is, i still have a lot of learning to go through.

i just spoke to my dearest FC. i told him, i told him a secret. and he is definitely the definition of a true friend. it was bittersweet but in the end, it was the truth and i needed to have the closure. til my last breath, he will be there for me, i just know it. he accepted it all, and i thank him for it.

2011, the rabbit year, i have always been known as the bunny for some reason, but i guess it has brought me a new life. i am involved in church, i have a partner at last, and i have my dear friends, my awesome girlfriends, my froggie, friends who are family.

this summer holiday i have learnt that people who are bad for me do not deserve to be in my life to make me feel bad. i shall keep that in mind, now and always. in the end, my failures are mine, but it is not for anyone else to judge me but myself.

as long as i can stand up again after i fall, i do not need someone to tell me i will not ever get to stand up from my failures. i found a good friend i must say, a good partner, to push me forth, i may not know what the future has installed for me. i know i will have to face the person that thinks i am horrible and everything. but after browsing true facebook, yes facebook, i realise and am proud to say 'you know what, screw you and your thoughts' because what is wrong for wanting to be happy.

people move on and mature, i look at all my friends, happy and moving forward in life, putting behind all the horrible memories and the past. all pushing for a better future and supporting each other through it all. everyone has down times, but it is the up times that matter the most.

people say friends come and go, i say they are wrong, friends are people who are there for you all the time. everyone has their own lives but when you need your friends, they will be there for you, maybe not physically but now, in this generation, they are virtually always there for you.

no one gets to dampen me, not this year. i have friends who love me. i have family to support me. i have found a light in my darkness, who i am willing to clear all loose ends for. and who is willing to accept me, and ALL the baggage i carry.

it is a new year. i have PLENTIFUL of baggage to unload. But i will face them one at the time. and God will be by my side.

Thank you everyone. Last semester may have been my worst semester, but it was also the beginning of my work for the Lord, for he showed me that it was time, to fully join hands with Him, and I am proud to work in His house.